Music for the heart and soul©
One of my schoolmates at Southwell was an excellent organist, being under the tutelage of the Minster organist. He usually played for school services alongside the school Music Master, and as he progressed, he played for church services, helping the Minster Organist. He did not have the range and skill of his seniors, but he was learning and he was quite talented.
I was already employed within the Minster as a bell ringer, lowly though that be, so I got to know many parts of the building that the public never got to see. With David, I came to be a fairly regular visitor to the organ loft above the quire screen, when I would often turn the music for him as he practised on the screen organ, but never during a service. He would help the Minster organist at that time.
He was allowed to practise as often as he could, and I was allowed out of House to be with him. There we would be, in the organ loft, usually alone in that huge Norman building. Of course, he practised the hymns and anthems particular to the forthcoming services, but would also play many of the great anthems, toccatas, fugues and processionals by Bach, Buxtehude, Purcell and Mozart. Not just these, of course, as there were many others which had been written by great composers over the previous centuries.
One evening he had been through a piece by Vierne and went on to play ‘Wachet Auf, ruft uns die Stimme’ by Bach, better known in English as ‘Sleepers Awake!’ He really gave it some welly, with his feet flying like bees’ wings and the majestic sound of the huge pipes filled the Cathedral. Both of the Minster organs were, at that, time, renowned for the melodious voices. The knave organ had its ‘tuba’ and the quire its ‘trumpet’. I can say with all honesty, that the rendition of Cocker's 'Tuba Tune' was by far the best I have ever heard. No record, tape or disc could ever reproduce the sound. One could really ‘feel’ the music, as we were literally sitting inside the organ. Although the pipes above our heads faced outwards towards the quire in one direction and the knave in the other, we didn’t miss out on any of the sound.
After that he went on to do some improvisation of his own – on music from light opera, by Sir Richard Sullivan, to be precise. We had recently attended a concert in, Trebeck Hall our little town theatre when a group from the D’Oyley Carte Opera Company had performed a selection of pieces from various Gilbert and Sullivan operas. David played a couple of pieces from these. Did you know that “Take a pair of sparkling eyes” sounds really beautiful when played on the pipe organ in a great Norman cathedral? It does, and we enjoyed the interlude but it was soon time to pack up and go home to the boarding house.
As we came down the steps from the screen, switching off the lights and power to the organ, and walking into the transept towards the small postern door, we were greeted by two figures, the Bishop and the Provost, both with smiles on their faces.
“What was the music you just played after Vierne and Bach, lad?” asked the Bishop.
“Oh, er – er, it was Sir Richard Sullivan,” stuttered David, “he wrote some divine sacred music, M’Lord!”
“Indeed he did, young man. However, the music that you’ve just been playing was written for an entirely different place, wasn’t it?” said the Bishop, smiling.
“Yes!” answered David, red as a beetroot.
“Very well,” the Bishop went on, “but make sure you don’t accidentally play it at Service, won’t you?”
“I’ll make sure, Sir” said David.
“Very well” said the Bishop, turning and walking towards the door.
“Good night boys!” said the Provost, with a big smile and a wink!
As they walked towards the exit, I could distinctly hear the clatter of feet on the stone flags, with two voices, singing softly, “Take a pair of sparkling eyes!”
Sometime earlier than that episode, I had been introduced to Russian Orthodox Church music. I must have heard examples of it on the radio at home, but I cannot remember, but here was some, presented specially for me. Not only for me really, but it seemed like it at the time.
It was not long after I had gone to the school – it was my second year, perhaps third, that we had a visit by the Choir of the Metropolitan Cathedral in Paris. This large choir, decked out in their gorgeous church garments, standing in the quire, just in front of the High Altar, with the glorious window behind them.
The congregation, or should I say ‘audience’ was seated in the normal benches in the quire, plus all the chairs arrayed down the sides. The quire was full to capacity to see and hear this magnificent choir perform. They sang many Russian Orthodox sacred songs in a manner which was thrilling. The basso profundo so beloved of the Russians, combined with the tenor and soprano, filled the Minster with a glorious, magnificent sound such as had not been heard for ages in this building. I imagined the great choirs of the middle ages, but I could not picture them producing a sound like this.
The Minster choir was good, very good, but they did not have the quantity of voices or the vocal range of this choir. It was here that I was introduced to the Russian version of the Nicene Creed and much else.
Unfortunately I lost touch with the genre and as I began my modest record collection over the years, my collection totally lacked any. Until just a few years ago, when I heard this self same choir, The Paris Metropolitan, on a record played on the BBC’s ‘Your Hundred Best Tunes’. It was not as I remembered it; perhaps the resonances were different between our Minster and the Paris Cathedral.
However, I continued on the lookout, as and when I remembered, until I found a version by the Metropolitan Choir of Turku in Finland. The soloist was (is) Kitty von Wright, and it lacks the basso profundo, but it presents a much sweeter sound to me.
As I listen, albeit a different choir, I’m taken back to the peace and beauty of that great Minster, and I still can picture the Bishop and the Provost, walking along, singing “Take a pair of sparkling eyes!”
Here's a link if you want to see something about the place.
http://www.southwellminster.co.uk/index.htm
Oh if you go there and read the welcome letter from the Dean - don't believe him. He refers to the Minster being begun in 2008 - it wasn't - that should read 1008. We celebrated the Church's millenium in 1956, when the place was a thousand years old.
Sunday, 7 October 2007
Saturday, 6 October 2007
What's it all about?
The Bookplate – what is it?
This is my take on the thing which seems to mystify some and to delight others. I suspect that, to those who are not familiar with these mysterious objects, they conjure a mind picture of a china or metal plate inserted between the pages of a book.
It is a very old thing, something which has come down from the middle ages, when Gutenberg and Caxton began the whole business of printing books. Yes, I know that the invention of printing is sometimes attributed to the Chinese, but the principle of moving type was first devised in Europe before it came to England. And what an upset it caused! It’s hard to imagine now, that not so long ago, a person could be burned at the stake for producing or possessing such a simple thing as a book.
Of course, only the wealthy could afford them even though the cost had fallen dramatically, compared to the hand-written ones that had gone before. Nevertheless, owners of these books felt it necessary to mark them as their property. The simple way would have been to simply write one’s name inside, but we must not forget that, even though they owned books as a mark of wealth and culture, many owners could not themselves write.
Ex Libris is a posh Latin term meaning “Out of the Library” and with a name appended, meant “Out of the Library of so-and-so” or simply “This book is mine”. The term ‘Bookplate’ came to mean that page or folio in the book which contained the words “This book belongs to” or “Ex Libris” whether it be inscribed direct to page, or whether it be a separate piece of parchment glued on.
When I first began buying and obtaining books, many of them still had a folio (page) inside, upon which were printed the words “Ex Libris” with space for one’s name. Some of them, especially those from Reader’s Digest, came with a loose plate, printed as a bookplate “Ex Libris”. This could then be signed and stuck in, if the owner so wished. I used to buy American and English science fiction magazines and novelettes, some of which I still have after 40 or 50 years. There was always (it seems) an advertisement for bookplates. One could send off to the magazine and purchase a quantity of any particular bookplate, usually the flavour of the month, delightfully engraved with an image from the lead story. One could then go mad and stick these in all one’s books.
How I wish I’d done that! The numbers of my books that have been borrowed and never returned are legion.
When I began the process of collating my own short stories into an anthology, forming my autobiography, I soon discovered the difficulties in engaging the attention of a publisher or agent. There are so many, and one has to accept that their raison d’etre is to earn money; therefore they look for potential best sellers. In other words, to print and sell thousands, if not millions.
I realised that I could not, without a great deal of good fortune, tap into this industry, to become part of it. I could have easily gone to a vanity publisher. No thank you very much. I could have gone to a printer and had him print a number of copies for me. This would entail a considerable outlay, with the very strong risk of me having stacks of the things around the house, unsold and performing useful tasks such as propping up the sideboard and the kitchen table.
Because of the incredible advances in the printing industry, a new form of publishing has sprung up. POD is the new buzzword in the publishing industry – Print On Demand. There are in existence, huge printing machines that not only print the pages of a book, but collate and glue them together, and then mount the result (called ‘the block’) into the covers. This method has been in use for many years, as an advance from the time when pages were set by hand using loose type; the pages were printed on large sheets which were then folded and so on.
Now, these machines are so made that they can handle the production of one book at a time, when requested – in other words, printed on demand. All the content, the manuscript and cover details are stored on a disc or computer hard drive, until required. Someone orders, they print. Blank paper goes in at one end and the finished book comes out the other! A book, any book, need never be taken ‘out of print’ now.
This new technology is turning the conventional publishing industry upside down, and many established publishing houses are beginning to embrace it. There are also many new publishers, set up to take advantage of it. There is however, some sort of stigma attached to the new technology. There are many writers who believe that an author or writer has not succeeded unless his or her book has been taken up by an established publisher.
Rubbish! The idea behind writing a story or creating a book is to place it before the public in order that they may buy and enjoy it, or benefit from it. It has been amply demonstrated that even the best authors may have trouble in finding a publisher, and does it really matter by what method the book appears?
What is the author to do? He could have the book printed and publish it himself, all costs coming out of his own pocket. Vanity publishers (sic) thrive on this feeling that writers have, to see their masterpiece in print. There are straightforward printers who will produce the work and who promise nothing more than that.
Now, there is the POD technology, which is coming to be embraced by even the old and established publishers. Now, there really is no need for them to print thousands of potentially unsold books. They can be printed as required, with a minimum quantity of 1 copy. This makes it better for the environment, I guess.
Now, I chose to use Lulu, because it was the first of the kind that I came across when I was researching. There are other firms who do the same thing, but I liked Lulu and I’m glad I chose them. Their system works (no doubt others do too).
A very old and precious practise has grown up with books – I refer to the author’s ‘signing’ them, often with a short message to the buyer. Many of my buyers have asked for me to sign their copy. Of course, I’m delighted to do so, but there exists a small problem. A massive problem, actually.
Were I sitting in a bookstore, then it would be simple for me to do the necessary as they purchase their copies, but when the buyers are scattered around the world? Because of the nature of the business and the related technology as relates to Lulu, a buyer in the US has his or her copy printed in America, and for the buyer in the UK, the book is printed in England. There is also a printer in Barcelona, Spain (for Europe) and there may well be one in Australasia.
So, how do I get to sign the book as my readers so dearly want? It would cost a fortune in transit and packing costs for them to send the book to me, for me to sign and return. Imagine this! Let’s say a book is ordered by a reader in California. Their order goes to North Carolina, from whence the data goes to the printer in New Jersey. The book is printed and mailed to California. The reader wants it signed, so he/she sends it to me in England. I sign it and send it back.
Possible? Yes, certainly! Expensive? Most definitely!
In an attempt to overcome this problem, I created a bookplate. I say “I” but again, but I had great help with the technicals. My dear friend in the US used her expertise with a photo program, fiddled with the picture I emailed her and created what I needed – an image to create the bookplate (see, Sharon, I kept your name secret). Another example of the wonders of this technology that we all enjoy.
I have printed the bookplates and I inscribe and send them to those who ask. Much less costly than sending the actual books back and forth – possibly not quite the same, but at least, now they have my ugly mug in their book, as well as my scribble!
To be honest, when my proof copy arrived from the printer, my Beloved Bride snaffled it as soon as it came out of the package. Then she had me sign and insert a bookplate, dedicating the book to her. Casting my normal modesty aside, I have to say – it looks lovely!
This is my take on the thing which seems to mystify some and to delight others. I suspect that, to those who are not familiar with these mysterious objects, they conjure a mind picture of a china or metal plate inserted between the pages of a book.
It is a very old thing, something which has come down from the middle ages, when Gutenberg and Caxton began the whole business of printing books. Yes, I know that the invention of printing is sometimes attributed to the Chinese, but the principle of moving type was first devised in Europe before it came to England. And what an upset it caused! It’s hard to imagine now, that not so long ago, a person could be burned at the stake for producing or possessing such a simple thing as a book.
Of course, only the wealthy could afford them even though the cost had fallen dramatically, compared to the hand-written ones that had gone before. Nevertheless, owners of these books felt it necessary to mark them as their property. The simple way would have been to simply write one’s name inside, but we must not forget that, even though they owned books as a mark of wealth and culture, many owners could not themselves write.
Ex Libris is a posh Latin term meaning “Out of the Library” and with a name appended, meant “Out of the Library of so-and-so” or simply “This book is mine”. The term ‘Bookplate’ came to mean that page or folio in the book which contained the words “This book belongs to” or “Ex Libris” whether it be inscribed direct to page, or whether it be a separate piece of parchment glued on.
When I first began buying and obtaining books, many of them still had a folio (page) inside, upon which were printed the words “Ex Libris” with space for one’s name. Some of them, especially those from Reader’s Digest, came with a loose plate, printed as a bookplate “Ex Libris”. This could then be signed and stuck in, if the owner so wished. I used to buy American and English science fiction magazines and novelettes, some of which I still have after 40 or 50 years. There was always (it seems) an advertisement for bookplates. One could send off to the magazine and purchase a quantity of any particular bookplate, usually the flavour of the month, delightfully engraved with an image from the lead story. One could then go mad and stick these in all one’s books.
How I wish I’d done that! The numbers of my books that have been borrowed and never returned are legion.
When I began the process of collating my own short stories into an anthology, forming my autobiography, I soon discovered the difficulties in engaging the attention of a publisher or agent. There are so many, and one has to accept that their raison d’etre is to earn money; therefore they look for potential best sellers. In other words, to print and sell thousands, if not millions.
I realised that I could not, without a great deal of good fortune, tap into this industry, to become part of it. I could have easily gone to a vanity publisher. No thank you very much. I could have gone to a printer and had him print a number of copies for me. This would entail a considerable outlay, with the very strong risk of me having stacks of the things around the house, unsold and performing useful tasks such as propping up the sideboard and the kitchen table.
Because of the incredible advances in the printing industry, a new form of publishing has sprung up. POD is the new buzzword in the publishing industry – Print On Demand. There are in existence, huge printing machines that not only print the pages of a book, but collate and glue them together, and then mount the result (called ‘the block’) into the covers. This method has been in use for many years, as an advance from the time when pages were set by hand using loose type; the pages were printed on large sheets which were then folded and so on.
Now, these machines are so made that they can handle the production of one book at a time, when requested – in other words, printed on demand. All the content, the manuscript and cover details are stored on a disc or computer hard drive, until required. Someone orders, they print. Blank paper goes in at one end and the finished book comes out the other! A book, any book, need never be taken ‘out of print’ now.
This new technology is turning the conventional publishing industry upside down, and many established publishing houses are beginning to embrace it. There are also many new publishers, set up to take advantage of it. There is however, some sort of stigma attached to the new technology. There are many writers who believe that an author or writer has not succeeded unless his or her book has been taken up by an established publisher.
Rubbish! The idea behind writing a story or creating a book is to place it before the public in order that they may buy and enjoy it, or benefit from it. It has been amply demonstrated that even the best authors may have trouble in finding a publisher, and does it really matter by what method the book appears?
What is the author to do? He could have the book printed and publish it himself, all costs coming out of his own pocket. Vanity publishers (sic) thrive on this feeling that writers have, to see their masterpiece in print. There are straightforward printers who will produce the work and who promise nothing more than that.
Now, there is the POD technology, which is coming to be embraced by even the old and established publishers. Now, there really is no need for them to print thousands of potentially unsold books. They can be printed as required, with a minimum quantity of 1 copy. This makes it better for the environment, I guess.
Now, I chose to use Lulu, because it was the first of the kind that I came across when I was researching. There are other firms who do the same thing, but I liked Lulu and I’m glad I chose them. Their system works (no doubt others do too).
A very old and precious practise has grown up with books – I refer to the author’s ‘signing’ them, often with a short message to the buyer. Many of my buyers have asked for me to sign their copy. Of course, I’m delighted to do so, but there exists a small problem. A massive problem, actually.
Were I sitting in a bookstore, then it would be simple for me to do the necessary as they purchase their copies, but when the buyers are scattered around the world? Because of the nature of the business and the related technology as relates to Lulu, a buyer in the US has his or her copy printed in America, and for the buyer in the UK, the book is printed in England. There is also a printer in Barcelona, Spain (for Europe) and there may well be one in Australasia.
So, how do I get to sign the book as my readers so dearly want? It would cost a fortune in transit and packing costs for them to send the book to me, for me to sign and return. Imagine this! Let’s say a book is ordered by a reader in California. Their order goes to North Carolina, from whence the data goes to the printer in New Jersey. The book is printed and mailed to California. The reader wants it signed, so he/she sends it to me in England. I sign it and send it back.
Possible? Yes, certainly! Expensive? Most definitely!
In an attempt to overcome this problem, I created a bookplate. I say “I” but again, but I had great help with the technicals. My dear friend in the US used her expertise with a photo program, fiddled with the picture I emailed her and created what I needed – an image to create the bookplate (see, Sharon, I kept your name secret). Another example of the wonders of this technology that we all enjoy.
I have printed the bookplates and I inscribe and send them to those who ask. Much less costly than sending the actual books back and forth – possibly not quite the same, but at least, now they have my ugly mug in their book, as well as my scribble!
To be honest, when my proof copy arrived from the printer, my Beloved Bride snaffled it as soon as it came out of the package. Then she had me sign and insert a bookplate, dedicating the book to her. Casting my normal modesty aside, I have to say – it looks lovely!
Wednesday, 26 September 2007
We are out!!!
The book is now available for purchase from Lulu.
Wherever you are, simply goto www.Lulu.com and when it comes up, go to 'buy' then type "The Chicken has found a New Worm" or simply "The Chicken" and it will take you to the page. Lulu will take care of the currency conversion etc. and your book will be specially printed for you.
The printer's proof which arrived today shows that the whole project has worked out exactly as I intended. 190 pages of stories, each one independent - about 30 of them. It's a 'dip into' book, or as the term goes, a 'coffee table' book, or I expect for some, a 'pick up and read straight through' book.
Either way, I sincerely hope that it proves enjoyable for you, as per my intention.
It is Royal size, which means that people like me will have no trouble handling it, nor will they have any trouble reading, as I have made the print 12 point size, to accommodate poor eyesight like mine.
There are illustrations too, which may or may not amuse.
Please don't forget, if you wish, I have available, a delightful bookplate for insertion inside. If you want one, then please mail me at: thechickenandtheworm@mantonwood.co.uk.
I will need your name and street address (for the mailing label), plus a few short words for the message, and I will be happy to write this onto the plate in my own fair hand before mailing to you.
Then I shall destroy all traces of your details. That is a solemn promise. I have no interest in collecting such things, except as apply to my friends and I certainly will not pass it on to anyone else.
Enjoy the book.
Wherever you are, simply goto www.Lulu.com and when it comes up, go to 'buy' then type "The Chicken has found a New Worm" or simply "The Chicken" and it will take you to the page. Lulu will take care of the currency conversion etc. and your book will be specially printed for you.
The printer's proof which arrived today shows that the whole project has worked out exactly as I intended. 190 pages of stories, each one independent - about 30 of them. It's a 'dip into' book, or as the term goes, a 'coffee table' book, or I expect for some, a 'pick up and read straight through' book.
Either way, I sincerely hope that it proves enjoyable for you, as per my intention.
It is Royal size, which means that people like me will have no trouble handling it, nor will they have any trouble reading, as I have made the print 12 point size, to accommodate poor eyesight like mine.
There are illustrations too, which may or may not amuse.
Please don't forget, if you wish, I have available, a delightful bookplate for insertion inside. If you want one, then please mail me at: thechickenandtheworm@mantonwood.co.uk.
I will need your name and street address (for the mailing label), plus a few short words for the message, and I will be happy to write this onto the plate in my own fair hand before mailing to you.
Then I shall destroy all traces of your details. That is a solemn promise. I have no interest in collecting such things, except as apply to my friends and I certainly will not pass it on to anyone else.
Enjoy the book.
Perils of Adolescence
Again, whiling away the time until The Chicken arrives for final approval, I wrote this story this very morning.
Please enjoy and feel free to comment, should you be moved to that extreme!
The Perils of One so Young ©
The Sports Club arranged a day out to Nottingham, specifically to see a show at the Ice Rink there. Ice skating was never one of my interests, mainly because I had never encountered it, but I went along for two reasons – one the bus was free and two, I would be with the lads. It was to be an afternoon at the show and an evening on the town, so it looked interesting.
The show turned out to be quite colourful and boisterous. I enjoyed it, but it was damned cold in there! Afterwards, we went somewhere else - I can’t remember where, but it filled an hour or so, then we went to The Trip.
Whether this was an impulse thing or whether it had been pre planned, I do not know, but I went with the lads from the table tennis team. Perhaps I should have known better, but I enjoyed their company, and they were good enough to entertain this gauche young teenager.
“The Trip” or to give the establishment its proper name, The Trip To Jerusalem, was claimed to be the oldest public house in England, dating back to the Crusades, hence the derivation of the name. It is situated virtually next door to the castle in the old part of town, but the building itself does not go that far back, only a couple of hundred years or so.
“The Trip” has, or had, a bit of a reputation, of which I was quite innocent. I had heard the name a few times, as part of ‘nudge nudge, wink wink’ conversations, but it meant nothing special to me at the time.
So, there we were, in The Trip, on Saturday night, enjoying the atmosphere, which, I have to say, was quite exciting for me as I had previously only ever been inside the one pub, The Badger, at Shirebrook, needless to say, in the company of these same lads. I should have smelled a rat, but, as I said, I was totally innocent.
There were lots of locals enjoying their night out and there were also lots of females on the same errand. There were also, I was told, several ladies on business, though the term was not explained to me. One certain girl attached herself to me.
To be honest, I was quite flattered, me, a sheltered young lad, meeting up with a nice young lady in a strange town in convivial company. Of course, the lads egged me on and I struck up a conversation with the young lady whose name, I learned, was June.
Not having much money, I was thankful that she accepted a glass of pale ale rather than an expensive spirit drink. I hesitated in going up to the bar, as I was not yet of age, so I was breaking the law by drinking in the place, and to buy one would compound the offence. I must have looked older than my meagre years, or perhaps the landlord wasn’t bothered.
When it came to my turn to be served, the landlord leaned over the bar and said quietly, “I see you’ve got company, lad!”
“Yes” I replied, and I’d like two pale ales please”.
“Fair enough” he said, “but before I serve you, you might like to know that June rattles”.
“Eh, what?” I answered, sharp as a button.
I should have known what he meant, for that was an expression that Our Mam had used on a couple of occasions.
“What do you mean?” I asked him.
“She rattles. If you shake him, he rattles!”
I was looking at him gormlessly, so he went on, using simple terms, simple words for a simple youth.
“She stands up to pee, laddie, ‘she’ is a ‘he’ with a full set of tackle!”
Then, the penny dropped with a resounding clang and I dashed out into the street. One of the lads had been watching and followed me outside to make sure that I was all right and that I didn’t go wandering off on my own in the city centre and get lost, cast aside by the misfortunes of teenage first love!
*
Of course, everyone else had seen the episode and knew full well what was going off, but they had left me to experience the pleasure of meeting new people.
The people in the office used to partake in the usual sweepstakes based upon the classic horse races such as The Epsom Derby and the Grand National and I was invited to join in. One of the lads, my immediate boss, as a matter of fact, used to bet on horses quite a lot, making a tidy income out of it.
He told us that an uncle had left him a fair amount of money, and he had used this to finance his apprenticeship as a gambler. He used to maintain that it ceased to be gambling if you worked on those horses that stood the best chance of winning, keeping away from the donkeys. I suppose the problem lay in differentiating between them. He would think nothing of placing a £10 bet on a horse with a chance of winning £2, which meant that he would get his stake back plus the £2 winnings. Ten pounds was more than my weekly wage!
To me, horses were all the same, big animals having a leg at each corner, teeth at the front and with stinking farts and a nasty kick at the back. Some could run and others were destined to haul milk carts around the streets.
Those that were alleged to be runners were entered in the races and people wagered money on the outcome. So, when it came to the Grand National in April, I was asked did I want to partake in the office sweepstake. As the fee was small, six pence, I think, I said yes. The principal of this is that everyone who enters gets to pick the name of one of the runners from a hat, the winning horse deciding the winner of the sweep. One of the girls had the winner and won a nice little packet, equal to a weeks wages, but my ticket represented a far different outlook.
Alan, the betting man also placed bets with his bookie for anyone who wanted to make a bet on the actual race. I was persuaded to put a shilling on my horse. Fatal mistake.
The horse, my horse, fell badly at one of the fences and had to be put down. So began my short lived gambling career. The next sweep was also on a steeplechase. Again, my horse fell at the fence, fortunately unhurt, but the jockey broke his leg or something else equally nasty. So ended my gambling career.
The Social Club organised a trip to the races which would be a nice day out for everyone. As it was to Thirsk in North Yorkshire, I decided to go, not for the racing, but to visit an ancient Abbey which was, according to the map, close by the racecourse. Of course, 1 inch on the map was quite a distance when transferred to the actual countryside. I never made it.
I stayed on the racecourse with my friends and colleagues. I had budgeted for the cost of the trip, a bite to eat, some refreshment and a pint and a meal of some sort on the way home. As I wandered round, I took a fancy to one of the horses, by the magnificent name of Balaclava, for which the bookies were offering odds of 66 to 1.
I decided I would have a bite of that, so I cashed up, but found that I had no spare cash. I had just enough to buy a drink and a bag of fish and chips on the way home, so I let it pass. The bloody thing romped home!
On the way home, we stopped at a pub in Tadcaster, home of a couple of famous breweries. There was a chip shop close by, so I was all set up. As I was waiting for my fish and chips, I routed in my pockets for the money and, to my delight, I discovered a ten shilling note that I didn’t know I had. As the coat I was wearing only came out of the wardrobe for special occasions, I guessed the money must have been sitting there since the last time, some months before.
My euphoria soon fizzled out when I realised that, had I found it on the racecourse, I really would have put it on that damned horse, the one that romped home at 66/1! That would have made me more money than I earned in a month!
Needless to say, I never made a bet on a horse again.
Please enjoy and feel free to comment, should you be moved to that extreme!
The Perils of One so Young ©
The Sports Club arranged a day out to Nottingham, specifically to see a show at the Ice Rink there. Ice skating was never one of my interests, mainly because I had never encountered it, but I went along for two reasons – one the bus was free and two, I would be with the lads. It was to be an afternoon at the show and an evening on the town, so it looked interesting.
The show turned out to be quite colourful and boisterous. I enjoyed it, but it was damned cold in there! Afterwards, we went somewhere else - I can’t remember where, but it filled an hour or so, then we went to The Trip.
Whether this was an impulse thing or whether it had been pre planned, I do not know, but I went with the lads from the table tennis team. Perhaps I should have known better, but I enjoyed their company, and they were good enough to entertain this gauche young teenager.
“The Trip” or to give the establishment its proper name, The Trip To Jerusalem, was claimed to be the oldest public house in England, dating back to the Crusades, hence the derivation of the name. It is situated virtually next door to the castle in the old part of town, but the building itself does not go that far back, only a couple of hundred years or so.
“The Trip” has, or had, a bit of a reputation, of which I was quite innocent. I had heard the name a few times, as part of ‘nudge nudge, wink wink’ conversations, but it meant nothing special to me at the time.
So, there we were, in The Trip, on Saturday night, enjoying the atmosphere, which, I have to say, was quite exciting for me as I had previously only ever been inside the one pub, The Badger, at Shirebrook, needless to say, in the company of these same lads. I should have smelled a rat, but, as I said, I was totally innocent.
There were lots of locals enjoying their night out and there were also lots of females on the same errand. There were also, I was told, several ladies on business, though the term was not explained to me. One certain girl attached herself to me.
To be honest, I was quite flattered, me, a sheltered young lad, meeting up with a nice young lady in a strange town in convivial company. Of course, the lads egged me on and I struck up a conversation with the young lady whose name, I learned, was June.
Not having much money, I was thankful that she accepted a glass of pale ale rather than an expensive spirit drink. I hesitated in going up to the bar, as I was not yet of age, so I was breaking the law by drinking in the place, and to buy one would compound the offence. I must have looked older than my meagre years, or perhaps the landlord wasn’t bothered.
When it came to my turn to be served, the landlord leaned over the bar and said quietly, “I see you’ve got company, lad!”
“Yes” I replied, and I’d like two pale ales please”.
“Fair enough” he said, “but before I serve you, you might like to know that June rattles”.
“Eh, what?” I answered, sharp as a button.
I should have known what he meant, for that was an expression that Our Mam had used on a couple of occasions.
“What do you mean?” I asked him.
“She rattles. If you shake him, he rattles!”
I was looking at him gormlessly, so he went on, using simple terms, simple words for a simple youth.
“She stands up to pee, laddie, ‘she’ is a ‘he’ with a full set of tackle!”
Then, the penny dropped with a resounding clang and I dashed out into the street. One of the lads had been watching and followed me outside to make sure that I was all right and that I didn’t go wandering off on my own in the city centre and get lost, cast aside by the misfortunes of teenage first love!
*
Of course, everyone else had seen the episode and knew full well what was going off, but they had left me to experience the pleasure of meeting new people.
The people in the office used to partake in the usual sweepstakes based upon the classic horse races such as The Epsom Derby and the Grand National and I was invited to join in. One of the lads, my immediate boss, as a matter of fact, used to bet on horses quite a lot, making a tidy income out of it.
He told us that an uncle had left him a fair amount of money, and he had used this to finance his apprenticeship as a gambler. He used to maintain that it ceased to be gambling if you worked on those horses that stood the best chance of winning, keeping away from the donkeys. I suppose the problem lay in differentiating between them. He would think nothing of placing a £10 bet on a horse with a chance of winning £2, which meant that he would get his stake back plus the £2 winnings. Ten pounds was more than my weekly wage!
To me, horses were all the same, big animals having a leg at each corner, teeth at the front and with stinking farts and a nasty kick at the back. Some could run and others were destined to haul milk carts around the streets.
Those that were alleged to be runners were entered in the races and people wagered money on the outcome. So, when it came to the Grand National in April, I was asked did I want to partake in the office sweepstake. As the fee was small, six pence, I think, I said yes. The principal of this is that everyone who enters gets to pick the name of one of the runners from a hat, the winning horse deciding the winner of the sweep. One of the girls had the winner and won a nice little packet, equal to a weeks wages, but my ticket represented a far different outlook.
Alan, the betting man also placed bets with his bookie for anyone who wanted to make a bet on the actual race. I was persuaded to put a shilling on my horse. Fatal mistake.
The horse, my horse, fell badly at one of the fences and had to be put down. So began my short lived gambling career. The next sweep was also on a steeplechase. Again, my horse fell at the fence, fortunately unhurt, but the jockey broke his leg or something else equally nasty. So ended my gambling career.
The Social Club organised a trip to the races which would be a nice day out for everyone. As it was to Thirsk in North Yorkshire, I decided to go, not for the racing, but to visit an ancient Abbey which was, according to the map, close by the racecourse. Of course, 1 inch on the map was quite a distance when transferred to the actual countryside. I never made it.
I stayed on the racecourse with my friends and colleagues. I had budgeted for the cost of the trip, a bite to eat, some refreshment and a pint and a meal of some sort on the way home. As I wandered round, I took a fancy to one of the horses, by the magnificent name of Balaclava, for which the bookies were offering odds of 66 to 1.
I decided I would have a bite of that, so I cashed up, but found that I had no spare cash. I had just enough to buy a drink and a bag of fish and chips on the way home, so I let it pass. The bloody thing romped home!
On the way home, we stopped at a pub in Tadcaster, home of a couple of famous breweries. There was a chip shop close by, so I was all set up. As I was waiting for my fish and chips, I routed in my pockets for the money and, to my delight, I discovered a ten shilling note that I didn’t know I had. As the coat I was wearing only came out of the wardrobe for special occasions, I guessed the money must have been sitting there since the last time, some months before.
My euphoria soon fizzled out when I realised that, had I found it on the racecourse, I really would have put it on that damned horse, the one that romped home at 66/1! That would have made me more money than I earned in a month!
Needless to say, I never made a bet on a horse again.
Sunday, 23 September 2007
Brand new tale
Yes, I know that you are probably here for the 'darker' story that I mentioned, but I'm conscious that some people are getting restless waiting for the book to be made available - at least, I hope so :-))
Whiling away the time more profitably than sucking my thumbs, I've started collation work on the second book "The Doggie". As I went through them early this morning before sun-up, I noticed a couple of small tales, conspicuous by their absence.
So, I knocked up this story this morning, and offer it for your amusement. Please don't be too harsh - it's hot from the keyboard, and needs more work before it's presentable.
I hope you enjoy it, but don't forget the other one!
Whiling away the time more profitably than sucking my thumbs, I've started collation work on the second book "The Doggie". As I went through them early this morning before sun-up, I noticed a couple of small tales, conspicuous by their absence.
So, I knocked up this story this morning, and offer it for your amusement. Please don't be too harsh - it's hot from the keyboard, and needs more work before it's presentable.
I hope you enjoy it, but don't forget the other one!
The Broken Lamp Post (Copyright)
Chesterfield town centre was a busy place especially on Market days. There was the usual one which had been there for centuries, having been granted a license by some ancient Monarch way back in medieval times. There was a cattle market as well, where farmers and producers traded their stock and all those things which go to keep the farming community running.
At Headquarters, I was given two books of forms and sent down to the cattle market with the instructions to issue the necessary licenses for the transport of animals as they were bought and sold. I hadn’t the foggiest notion of what I was doing, but I survived the day. Only the Lord and the farmers knew what I was licensing; I could have been sanctioning all sorts of nefarious activities.
I mean, a bloke comes up to me, waving a piece of paper with the auctioneer’s name on it and asks, in a dialect that I had trouble understanding, for a license to transport “8 store pigs, Hamptons, Uttoxeter”.
What could I do but write it down on the license and sign it?
“Three Jersey kine in milk.” What on earth was that? I didn’t know, but I issued a movement license for it, or them.
“Eight heifers, store, Wilton, Macclesfield!” Eh, what?
Whatever needed a movement license, I issued the necessary. Whether my actions eased or hindered the smooth running of the farming industry, I shall never know, for this sort of thing never featured in the classes at Police College.
The one clear memory I have of my duty at that market is that I needed to wash my trousers. Close proximity to the rear ends of farm animals presents far too many risks under normal circumstances, but in confined spaces and under stress – well, I think they must have been programmed to wait for my arrival. Dressed as I was, in my nice, dark blue serge suit with shiny black boots, I was too good a target to miss!
Of course, with so many people milling around, there were bound to be opportunities for mishaps and incidents. I was plodding along near to the Shambles, a block of properties dating back hundreds of years, criss-crossed by narrow streets and buildings, some of them reaching out over the street below.
I paused on a street corner, wondering which way to go next, when I felt a tug at my trouser leg, and heard a small, polite voice say, “Excuse me officer!” I looked down to see a smartly dressed little boy.
“Hello,” I replied, “Can I help you?”
“Yes,” he said “I’ve come to do some shopping with my Daddy, and he’s gone and lost me!”
I asked if he could remember where they were last together, but he couldn’t tell me. We walked a little, looking where the lad thought he’d been, but there was no sign of his Dad, so I took him back to the Station.
On the way, he told me his name, his Dad’s name, his Mummy’s name and his sister’s name. By the time we’d reached the Station, I’d heard the entire family story, including his full address, including a description of their house.
The lad was as happy as a boy in a sand pit as we booked him in and recorded it all into the book. We had just finished writing it down, completing the necessary forms, when a harassed and flustered man rushed into the Station. It was the boy’s Dad, who had been searching the Shambles and neighbouring streets for him.
Boy, was he pleased to see the child, seated on a chair, happily chatting with a policewoman. He jumped up and ran to his Dad, delighted to be re-united. As they walked out of the door, the boy could be heard chatting away, relating his latest adventure to a man who was probably thinking on how he was going to explain to his wife! It was clear that he would not be able to avoid it, not with his son being such a little chatterbox!
Round about the same time, I was sent to a little street close by the Crooked Spire, just off the trunk road running through town centre. I can’t remember the name now, Stephenson Place, I think it was. I tried just now to refresh my memory by looking at a map, but the place has changed so much in the 45 years since I was there that I hardly recognise it from the map.
When I was there, the place had two railways serving it, but they closed one of them down and used the track bed to create a better road, taking the heavy through traffic away from town centre. Part of that construction involved removal of a railway tunnel, thereby doing away with a couple of roads. I did, in fact, drive through the town some little while ago, and got lost – me who had, at sometime or other, walked every damned street the town possessed!
Anyway, there I was on this little street, looking for the site of the incident, which I soon found. It was a lamp post which had been wrecked. It was smashed and was leaning over into the churchyard, its broken stump remaining on the footpath, with its innards sticking out, like some broken and discarded toy.
The responsible people had been notified, but in the meantime, I was to stand guard to prevent people coming into contact with it, as there was a danger of stray electricity.
I was there for perhaps an hour, warning people not to go near, when I was distracted by a motorist who had turned off the main road, asking for directions, which I was fortunately able to give.
As I turned back, I could see a gentleman walking along towards my charge, with a dog on a lead, preceding him. I called to him to steer clear. He understood, but the dog didn’t. It carried on, and, on reaching the stump, did what dogs are designed for – it peed on the post, and on the wires.
It jumped in the air, yelped and ran down the street, dragging the man behind him, so demonstrating that the fuses had not blown and that wires were still live!
Chesterfield town centre was a busy place especially on Market days. There was the usual one which had been there for centuries, having been granted a license by some ancient Monarch way back in medieval times. There was a cattle market as well, where farmers and producers traded their stock and all those things which go to keep the farming community running.
At Headquarters, I was given two books of forms and sent down to the cattle market with the instructions to issue the necessary licenses for the transport of animals as they were bought and sold. I hadn’t the foggiest notion of what I was doing, but I survived the day. Only the Lord and the farmers knew what I was licensing; I could have been sanctioning all sorts of nefarious activities.
I mean, a bloke comes up to me, waving a piece of paper with the auctioneer’s name on it and asks, in a dialect that I had trouble understanding, for a license to transport “8 store pigs, Hamptons, Uttoxeter”.
What could I do but write it down on the license and sign it?
“Three Jersey kine in milk.” What on earth was that? I didn’t know, but I issued a movement license for it, or them.
“Eight heifers, store, Wilton, Macclesfield!” Eh, what?
Whatever needed a movement license, I issued the necessary. Whether my actions eased or hindered the smooth running of the farming industry, I shall never know, for this sort of thing never featured in the classes at Police College.
The one clear memory I have of my duty at that market is that I needed to wash my trousers. Close proximity to the rear ends of farm animals presents far too many risks under normal circumstances, but in confined spaces and under stress – well, I think they must have been programmed to wait for my arrival. Dressed as I was, in my nice, dark blue serge suit with shiny black boots, I was too good a target to miss!
Of course, with so many people milling around, there were bound to be opportunities for mishaps and incidents. I was plodding along near to the Shambles, a block of properties dating back hundreds of years, criss-crossed by narrow streets and buildings, some of them reaching out over the street below.
I paused on a street corner, wondering which way to go next, when I felt a tug at my trouser leg, and heard a small, polite voice say, “Excuse me officer!” I looked down to see a smartly dressed little boy.
“Hello,” I replied, “Can I help you?”
“Yes,” he said “I’ve come to do some shopping with my Daddy, and he’s gone and lost me!”
I asked if he could remember where they were last together, but he couldn’t tell me. We walked a little, looking where the lad thought he’d been, but there was no sign of his Dad, so I took him back to the Station.
On the way, he told me his name, his Dad’s name, his Mummy’s name and his sister’s name. By the time we’d reached the Station, I’d heard the entire family story, including his full address, including a description of their house.
The lad was as happy as a boy in a sand pit as we booked him in and recorded it all into the book. We had just finished writing it down, completing the necessary forms, when a harassed and flustered man rushed into the Station. It was the boy’s Dad, who had been searching the Shambles and neighbouring streets for him.
Boy, was he pleased to see the child, seated on a chair, happily chatting with a policewoman. He jumped up and ran to his Dad, delighted to be re-united. As they walked out of the door, the boy could be heard chatting away, relating his latest adventure to a man who was probably thinking on how he was going to explain to his wife! It was clear that he would not be able to avoid it, not with his son being such a little chatterbox!
Round about the same time, I was sent to a little street close by the Crooked Spire, just off the trunk road running through town centre. I can’t remember the name now, Stephenson Place, I think it was. I tried just now to refresh my memory by looking at a map, but the place has changed so much in the 45 years since I was there that I hardly recognise it from the map.
When I was there, the place had two railways serving it, but they closed one of them down and used the track bed to create a better road, taking the heavy through traffic away from town centre. Part of that construction involved removal of a railway tunnel, thereby doing away with a couple of roads. I did, in fact, drive through the town some little while ago, and got lost – me who had, at sometime or other, walked every damned street the town possessed!
Anyway, there I was on this little street, looking for the site of the incident, which I soon found. It was a lamp post which had been wrecked. It was smashed and was leaning over into the churchyard, its broken stump remaining on the footpath, with its innards sticking out, like some broken and discarded toy.
The responsible people had been notified, but in the meantime, I was to stand guard to prevent people coming into contact with it, as there was a danger of stray electricity.
I was there for perhaps an hour, warning people not to go near, when I was distracted by a motorist who had turned off the main road, asking for directions, which I was fortunately able to give.
As I turned back, I could see a gentleman walking along towards my charge, with a dog on a lead, preceding him. I called to him to steer clear. He understood, but the dog didn’t. It carried on, and, on reaching the stump, did what dogs are designed for – it peed on the post, and on the wires.
It jumped in the air, yelped and ran down the street, dragging the man behind him, so demonstrating that the fuses had not blown and that wires were still live!
A little consolation
Still waiting on my proof copy of Chicken, so I thought I would give everyone the chance to take a look at this little story.
It's one of mine, written under the pen name of my alter ego. Warning - it's rather darker than anything of mine that you made have read before.
It's one of mine, written under the pen name of my alter ego. Warning - it's rather darker than anything of mine that you made have read before.
Whatever happened to my dreams?
I don’t need an alarm to wake me up now; I have my own, inbuilt system to do that. The expensive radio alarm that my wife bought stands idly on the bedside cabinet, slowly and regularly clicking away the minutes of the night.
Sometimes I lay in what passes for wakedness, counting along with the numbers as they change. I can vouch that the clock does this correctly, so far it has not missed any numbers; they all seem to be there, making their appearance, one after the other in a regular, monotonous sequence, leading me towards daylight.
I wake, watching the numbers as they change, mocking me, challenging me to stay a while longer. I cannot stay, I must not delay, for my medicine beckons. Without my medicine, that senses-deadening potion, the dreams will return. I can’t allow that to happen. I drag myself from the clinging blankets, and step into the tingling cold of the bedroom.
I don’t need a light to see where I’m going. I know where I have to go. I know exactly where my medicine is, and stumble towards the dispensary where I keep my opiates, ready for use. It is eight short steps to the door, I know, because I have counted them thousands of times. From the door it is three more to the shelf where I know I will find the bottles. First the plain glass tumbler. I have no more crystal glasses left, but who cares? I don’t. They were all broken, some by accident, some by despair. These were another reminder of what was before, bought by Jennifer, before she walked away.
To the right of the tumbler is the whiskey, a large bottle, then the gin, a small one. The vodka standing tall next in line dwarfs the rum, pushed to the back of the shelf. I do not like the stuff for it makes me sick and being sick rids me of the medicine and its numbing properties. No, no rum, except when I have drunk everything else.
I remove the cap off the whisky; I savour the state of well-being it brings. I pride myself I can half fill the glass without spilling a drop of the precious liquid. Carefully, I replace the cap and put the bottle back in its place then return to my bed, where I sit on the edge, feet on the cold floor. I look for my shoes, but I can’t remember where I threw them.
Even in the dark, I can ‘see’ the liquid in the glass, I can smell the heady aroma, but what the hell, it isn’t the aroma I need. I take the first drink. I feel the warmth of the fire as it rushes down the gullet, on its way to extinguish the burning images of my son. One more swallow and the tumbler is empty, but the image is still there in my mind.
Quickly now, I take the ten and a half steps to my dispensary, the half being because I stumble a little and lean forward to reach for the vodka. I have found that a half measure of this will work faster than the whiskey. It burns more fiercely as I gulp it down. Holding on to the shelf, I start to cough as the fire engulfs my chest and stomach, then I finish the glass to ease the cough. This seems to work, and the images are receding too.
I take another measure of vodka and leave the closet, walking slowly out of the bedroom and downstairs. Now I can start my day with whatever it brings. The kitchen is another room in the apartment, just another place, nothing more. What was once a happy place is now a morgue, merely a shell containing memories of happy times. I shuffle past the spot where David used to take his breakfast and I switch on the kettle to make coffee.
Half and half is what I call it. Half coffee, half vodka from another bottle. Should I call it codka, voffee, I wonder? No, vodcoffee it is. Sustaining, nourishing and deadening, hot flavoured vodka. This helps keeps the nightmare at bay. The nightmares that attack me at all times of the day and night. Always the same. Never any change. Like a film, a multicoloured film, playing over and over again.
David, my son – no, our son, happy as ever he had a right to be, newly graduated, with his beautiful girlfriend. Smashed out of this life by a lowlife scum. One moment there, laughing and joking, next moment not. Suddenly, just like that, his life snatched away by a drunken driver, sozzled out of his mind at eight thirty in the morning.
David’s life, the young life that was so full of happiness and promise, so young and caring, my beautiful son, was snatched away, wiped away in one moment of horror. The drunken swine behind the wheel did not know. He did not know what devastation he had caused when his car swerved and crushed the boy against that wall. The bastard was immune from harm, he was well anaesthetised from the pain and havoc. He should have been the one to die. How I wish he had. I passionately wish he had perished in that crash - for this was my son we are talking about. My son, our son, who was dispatched from this world far too early.
I get myself another tumbler of medicine, whiskey for a change. As I gulp the stuff down, the realisation works its way to the forefront of my numbed brain. I have known for a long time who was responsible, who the driver was. I have always known who the craven, miserable, drunken, cowardly and worthless bastard was who took away my son’s life.
It was me.
© 2007 Ambrose Salathiel
I don’t need an alarm to wake me up now; I have my own, inbuilt system to do that. The expensive radio alarm that my wife bought stands idly on the bedside cabinet, slowly and regularly clicking away the minutes of the night.
Sometimes I lay in what passes for wakedness, counting along with the numbers as they change. I can vouch that the clock does this correctly, so far it has not missed any numbers; they all seem to be there, making their appearance, one after the other in a regular, monotonous sequence, leading me towards daylight.
I wake, watching the numbers as they change, mocking me, challenging me to stay a while longer. I cannot stay, I must not delay, for my medicine beckons. Without my medicine, that senses-deadening potion, the dreams will return. I can’t allow that to happen. I drag myself from the clinging blankets, and step into the tingling cold of the bedroom.
I don’t need a light to see where I’m going. I know where I have to go. I know exactly where my medicine is, and stumble towards the dispensary where I keep my opiates, ready for use. It is eight short steps to the door, I know, because I have counted them thousands of times. From the door it is three more to the shelf where I know I will find the bottles. First the plain glass tumbler. I have no more crystal glasses left, but who cares? I don’t. They were all broken, some by accident, some by despair. These were another reminder of what was before, bought by Jennifer, before she walked away.
To the right of the tumbler is the whiskey, a large bottle, then the gin, a small one. The vodka standing tall next in line dwarfs the rum, pushed to the back of the shelf. I do not like the stuff for it makes me sick and being sick rids me of the medicine and its numbing properties. No, no rum, except when I have drunk everything else.
I remove the cap off the whisky; I savour the state of well-being it brings. I pride myself I can half fill the glass without spilling a drop of the precious liquid. Carefully, I replace the cap and put the bottle back in its place then return to my bed, where I sit on the edge, feet on the cold floor. I look for my shoes, but I can’t remember where I threw them.
Even in the dark, I can ‘see’ the liquid in the glass, I can smell the heady aroma, but what the hell, it isn’t the aroma I need. I take the first drink. I feel the warmth of the fire as it rushes down the gullet, on its way to extinguish the burning images of my son. One more swallow and the tumbler is empty, but the image is still there in my mind.
Quickly now, I take the ten and a half steps to my dispensary, the half being because I stumble a little and lean forward to reach for the vodka. I have found that a half measure of this will work faster than the whiskey. It burns more fiercely as I gulp it down. Holding on to the shelf, I start to cough as the fire engulfs my chest and stomach, then I finish the glass to ease the cough. This seems to work, and the images are receding too.
I take another measure of vodka and leave the closet, walking slowly out of the bedroom and downstairs. Now I can start my day with whatever it brings. The kitchen is another room in the apartment, just another place, nothing more. What was once a happy place is now a morgue, merely a shell containing memories of happy times. I shuffle past the spot where David used to take his breakfast and I switch on the kettle to make coffee.
Half and half is what I call it. Half coffee, half vodka from another bottle. Should I call it codka, voffee, I wonder? No, vodcoffee it is. Sustaining, nourishing and deadening, hot flavoured vodka. This helps keeps the nightmare at bay. The nightmares that attack me at all times of the day and night. Always the same. Never any change. Like a film, a multicoloured film, playing over and over again.
David, my son – no, our son, happy as ever he had a right to be, newly graduated, with his beautiful girlfriend. Smashed out of this life by a lowlife scum. One moment there, laughing and joking, next moment not. Suddenly, just like that, his life snatched away by a drunken driver, sozzled out of his mind at eight thirty in the morning.
David’s life, the young life that was so full of happiness and promise, so young and caring, my beautiful son, was snatched away, wiped away in one moment of horror. The drunken swine behind the wheel did not know. He did not know what devastation he had caused when his car swerved and crushed the boy against that wall. The bastard was immune from harm, he was well anaesthetised from the pain and havoc. He should have been the one to die. How I wish he had. I passionately wish he had perished in that crash - for this was my son we are talking about. My son, our son, who was dispatched from this world far too early.
I get myself another tumbler of medicine, whiskey for a change. As I gulp the stuff down, the realisation works its way to the forefront of my numbed brain. I have known for a long time who was responsible, who the driver was. I have always known who the craven, miserable, drunken, cowardly and worthless bastard was who took away my son’s life.
It was me.
© 2007 Ambrose Salathiel
Saturday, 22 September 2007
Don't like this waiting business
OK, so I'm waiting for the first proof copy of "The Chicken" to arrive. According to Cocker, today is the last day of their '3 to 5 days printing' timeline, so it should arrive either this weekend or early next week.
I'm chewing me fingernails to the bone, anxious to see that I did not screw up with anything. I hope not! I can't think how that might be, but - well, you know, I ain't a technogeek, so anything is possible!
Meanwhile, I've started on Number 2 which has the working title 'The Dog is wanting a drink' which, like Number 1, takes the title from one of the stories. Actually, when I say 'I've started', I should say 'I started several years ago' for what I'm about now is to collate the many tales already written and filed.
Like previously, they are in different formats (Lotus, Works etc) and in various stages of composition (or decomposition, according to your point of view). I've placed about 25 of them into a single Word document to see how they look and to work out some sort of order. They add up to approximately 33000 words, and the bundle is looking good.
Naturally, I'm going to include the story which was sold and published in a National magazine - the copyright is still mine.
Many of them need a lot of work to get them into proper shape, and I know of a few that are still to be written and put into there.
Because these tales come from a later period than that of 'The Chicken', there are some tales which might be adjudged not quite suitable. If this be so, then it raises the question "suitable for whom?" Ok, a couple of them are a bit on the rude side, but then, so is life - especially that part of life into which I stumbled all those years ago.
However, the dictionary contains many words, and many of those words are interchangeable or can be substituted and not change a story, so I rather feel that this one may contain a few, shall we say "salty" tales. Whether or not they make it through to the book, my Little Team of Helpers are in for the arduous task of pre-reading them.
Oh - I've decided on the price for Chicken.
I'm not absolutley sure how it will work out in $$$$$, as I calculated in £££££££ then converted using the current exchange rates as a guide. Unfortunately, the webpage won't let me see the price in $$$$$ just yet.
With all costs, including printing and production, Lulu commission and my wages, the price will be $16.23 approx or £8.09 approx.
Also I have decided to allow downloads. How it works, I'm not sure - I think they convert it into the several formats. Anyway, the price for that is $7.52.
Of course, everyone knows how their own tax system applies. So does Lulu and they will apply as needed.
I'm chewing me fingernails to the bone, anxious to see that I did not screw up with anything. I hope not! I can't think how that might be, but - well, you know, I ain't a technogeek, so anything is possible!
Meanwhile, I've started on Number 2 which has the working title 'The Dog is wanting a drink' which, like Number 1, takes the title from one of the stories. Actually, when I say 'I've started', I should say 'I started several years ago' for what I'm about now is to collate the many tales already written and filed.
Like previously, they are in different formats (Lotus, Works etc) and in various stages of composition (or decomposition, according to your point of view). I've placed about 25 of them into a single Word document to see how they look and to work out some sort of order. They add up to approximately 33000 words, and the bundle is looking good.
Naturally, I'm going to include the story which was sold and published in a National magazine - the copyright is still mine.
Many of them need a lot of work to get them into proper shape, and I know of a few that are still to be written and put into there.
Because these tales come from a later period than that of 'The Chicken', there are some tales which might be adjudged not quite suitable. If this be so, then it raises the question "suitable for whom?" Ok, a couple of them are a bit on the rude side, but then, so is life - especially that part of life into which I stumbled all those years ago.
However, the dictionary contains many words, and many of those words are interchangeable or can be substituted and not change a story, so I rather feel that this one may contain a few, shall we say "salty" tales. Whether or not they make it through to the book, my Little Team of Helpers are in for the arduous task of pre-reading them.
Oh - I've decided on the price for Chicken.
I'm not absolutley sure how it will work out in $$$$$, as I calculated in £££££££ then converted using the current exchange rates as a guide. Unfortunately, the webpage won't let me see the price in $$$$$ just yet.
With all costs, including printing and production, Lulu commission and my wages, the price will be $16.23 approx or £8.09 approx.
Also I have decided to allow downloads. How it works, I'm not sure - I think they convert it into the several formats. Anyway, the price for that is $7.52.
Of course, everyone knows how their own tax system applies. So does Lulu and they will apply as needed.
Wednesday, 19 September 2007
Cockadoodledooooo!
We're there, we've arrived - nearly!
The book is finally complete and is almost ready for sale.
After some minor technical problems (major to me, but I am not too bright with these things - I'm a writer, not a computer geek!!!), the manuscript and the cover art were uploaded to Lulu early this week. I've ordered the proof copy which will allow me to ensure that everything is hunkey dory.
All being well, I should receive this over the coming weekend and then we shall hopefully be cooking with gas!
Published and on sale. What a relief!
It's taken me a very long time and has cost me a huge amount of labour to get there, and I must, here and now, pay tribute to all those who have helped and guided me through the intric - intriss- intrick - tricky parts of using MS Word and Adobe Photoshop. And of course, those wonderful ladies and gentlemen who very kindly read the early scripts - how their brains must have boiled!
However, their encouragement and kind words boosted my flagging ego no end, so that I was able to fight my way through. The end result will be very soon be out there for all to see.
So, what have we got? Being of 'that age' where I need help in reading etc, I decided that the book should make allowances for such as myself, that is, less than perfect eyesight and less than perfect agility.
I wanted a book that people such as I could handle, hold and manipulate so to read. To that end, I chose Royal size (9x6) with 12 point Palatino which is a nice, open and easy viewing typeface.
There are 30 separate tales in there, totalling 44 thousand words over 182 actual pages, with an introduction.
I haven't yet fixed the selling price but again, I have tried to be fair. There are certain costs related to the printing etc which I cannot control, but my wages I can control. I didn't want to be extortionate, nor did I want to give my labours away, so my part of the selling price will be something reasonable. I need to get some recompense for all those years of work, don't I?
I have to say, and I cannot be more certain - it will be extremely good value! 30 stories, 182 pages, 44000 words plus Mikal's magnificent cover work! That's got to be good value. I'm not the only one to say that, by the way!
As soon as I have more detail, I'll post it up.
The book is finally complete and is almost ready for sale.
After some minor technical problems (major to me, but I am not too bright with these things - I'm a writer, not a computer geek!!!), the manuscript and the cover art were uploaded to Lulu early this week. I've ordered the proof copy which will allow me to ensure that everything is hunkey dory.
All being well, I should receive this over the coming weekend and then we shall hopefully be cooking with gas!
Published and on sale. What a relief!
It's taken me a very long time and has cost me a huge amount of labour to get there, and I must, here and now, pay tribute to all those who have helped and guided me through the intric - intriss- intrick - tricky parts of using MS Word and Adobe Photoshop. And of course, those wonderful ladies and gentlemen who very kindly read the early scripts - how their brains must have boiled!
However, their encouragement and kind words boosted my flagging ego no end, so that I was able to fight my way through. The end result will be very soon be out there for all to see.
So, what have we got? Being of 'that age' where I need help in reading etc, I decided that the book should make allowances for such as myself, that is, less than perfect eyesight and less than perfect agility.
I wanted a book that people such as I could handle, hold and manipulate so to read. To that end, I chose Royal size (9x6) with 12 point Palatino which is a nice, open and easy viewing typeface.
There are 30 separate tales in there, totalling 44 thousand words over 182 actual pages, with an introduction.
I haven't yet fixed the selling price but again, I have tried to be fair. There are certain costs related to the printing etc which I cannot control, but my wages I can control. I didn't want to be extortionate, nor did I want to give my labours away, so my part of the selling price will be something reasonable. I need to get some recompense for all those years of work, don't I?
I have to say, and I cannot be more certain - it will be extremely good value! 30 stories, 182 pages, 44000 words plus Mikal's magnificent cover work! That's got to be good value. I'm not the only one to say that, by the way!
As soon as I have more detail, I'll post it up.
Thursday, 6 September 2007
Rising nicely
I'm baking some bread right now, which seems an odd diversion, given that I should be working to finish the book. However, there is method in my madness.
After a great deal of hard work, made all the more difficult by periods of 'down', failure of the concentration circuits and constant tiredness, "The Chicken has found a new Worm" is almost there - virtually ready for uploading to Lulu.
I've completed all that is necessary to create the book, written and revised, edited and sub edited, formatted and laid out - everything that is needed and is normally done by the clever people employed by book publishers. I do not have a publisher, unless you count me, but I've had a lot of help.
So, there I was, giving the pages a final embellishment which is yet to be seen, but then I told myself that what was needed to put the cherry on the top, was an appropriate image at the end of a certain chapter.
I knew I had a pic somewhere because I can clearly remember creating it many moons ago after a baking session. But, as is often the case, I cannot find that picture. It's gone. So, there was only one thing to do, re-create it!
To do that, I needed to bake some bread, but to do that, I need to be in a condition to face the task. Yes, I know that baking bread is one of the simplest of cooking tasks, but it is so very easy to cock it up. If I feel right, I can produce delicious bread, but if not, then the garden rockery gets some more decorations.
So, I have made the bread and it is rising as I type. Once baked, I can make the picture. When I have taken the picture, I can strip it out and stick it in the book. After so many years of faffing about on the computer, I have learned in the past few days how to take a picture and strip the background away from the subject - just what I need.
So, once this picture is in place, I need only to check the cover containing Mikals glorious work to ensure everything is hunkey dory, then I can finally let go - up there, into cyberspace.
Then I will obtain my proof copy and if it shows that everything is true and as it should be, then you, dear people will be able to lay your hands on your very own copy of the masterwork!
Soon, very very soon!
Please be patient, for I'm positive it will be worth the wait!
More later!
Charles,
Genias at work!
After a great deal of hard work, made all the more difficult by periods of 'down', failure of the concentration circuits and constant tiredness, "The Chicken has found a new Worm" is almost there - virtually ready for uploading to Lulu.
I've completed all that is necessary to create the book, written and revised, edited and sub edited, formatted and laid out - everything that is needed and is normally done by the clever people employed by book publishers. I do not have a publisher, unless you count me, but I've had a lot of help.
So, there I was, giving the pages a final embellishment which is yet to be seen, but then I told myself that what was needed to put the cherry on the top, was an appropriate image at the end of a certain chapter.
I knew I had a pic somewhere because I can clearly remember creating it many moons ago after a baking session. But, as is often the case, I cannot find that picture. It's gone. So, there was only one thing to do, re-create it!
To do that, I needed to bake some bread, but to do that, I need to be in a condition to face the task. Yes, I know that baking bread is one of the simplest of cooking tasks, but it is so very easy to cock it up. If I feel right, I can produce delicious bread, but if not, then the garden rockery gets some more decorations.
So, I have made the bread and it is rising as I type. Once baked, I can make the picture. When I have taken the picture, I can strip it out and stick it in the book. After so many years of faffing about on the computer, I have learned in the past few days how to take a picture and strip the background away from the subject - just what I need.
So, once this picture is in place, I need only to check the cover containing Mikals glorious work to ensure everything is hunkey dory, then I can finally let go - up there, into cyberspace.
Then I will obtain my proof copy and if it shows that everything is true and as it should be, then you, dear people will be able to lay your hands on your very own copy of the masterwork!
Soon, very very soon!
Please be patient, for I'm positive it will be worth the wait!
More later!
Charles,
Genias at work!
Friday, 20 July 2007
I wonder if it will work?
This is to find out if this new sooper dooper MSN web writer thingy from MSN will do what it says on the tin.
Thursday, 5 July 2007
Nitpicking
I have been picking my way through the MSS in order to see what the editor has done. The one thing that stands out most is how kind he has been, there is very little alteration.
Most of his changes have been grammatical or syntactical (strange word) or where I have put in a surplus comma or colon. He has not had any issue with the style or colour of the writing, which is a huge relief.
I know that there are a few colloquialisms which will have my American readers scratching their heads, but there are a couple which raised my editor's eyebrows. But then I realised - he is not from around here! He is an incomer and has not lived here long enough to have soaked up the lingo.
The question is, do I change it or do I leave it? To change the word may risk changing the flavour slightly, so I think the judicious addition of a couple more words might be in order.
An odd things is that I have not handled the MSS for some time and I find myself being reminded of what I had written - I had actually forgotten some of the things!
Hey ho. On with the work of weeding and cultivating.
Most of his changes have been grammatical or syntactical (strange word) or where I have put in a surplus comma or colon. He has not had any issue with the style or colour of the writing, which is a huge relief.
I know that there are a few colloquialisms which will have my American readers scratching their heads, but there are a couple which raised my editor's eyebrows. But then I realised - he is not from around here! He is an incomer and has not lived here long enough to have soaked up the lingo.
The question is, do I change it or do I leave it? To change the word may risk changing the flavour slightly, so I think the judicious addition of a couple more words might be in order.
An odd things is that I have not handled the MSS for some time and I find myself being reminded of what I had written - I had actually forgotten some of the things!
Hey ho. On with the work of weeding and cultivating.
Monday, 2 July 2007
Baby came back home
Met with my editor today, in a pub of all places. This is a milestone on its own account, since it is the first time I have walked into any public place without apprehension. Perhaps it was the thought of what was waiting for me.
She With The Short Fat Hairy Legs met me there on her way back from Sheffield where she had been visiting her Dad, and we didn't have to wait long before Malcolm walked in, carrying My Baby under his arm, tucked in its little box.
We sat down and I said I felt like I was awaiting a very important exam result and he replied that he could empathise. Then he went on to say "on that analogy, you passed with flying colours!" My poor little heart began its beating again!
He had written a sheet of notes, contained within the bounds of a single sheet of A4, so it didn't look too ominous, but that was only to explain his further notations within.
On opening the sheaf of the MSS, I fully expected to see pages and pages with blue or red scribbles all over them. I expected to see the tracks of a spider crawled out of an inkwell, but this was not to be.
There are many pages without any notation of any sort, and those that have them are only minor. He has changed the odd bit of punctuation and syntax, replaced a couple of colons with full stops and vice versa and has split a couple of sentences.
He has also suggested a new paragraph and moving a couple of sentences to facilitate identification etc.
All in all, not too much, but it still means a lot of careful and tedious work.
My Baby is still just as it was when it left home, except for a couple of trinkets.
Malcolm did say it had been hard for him to do. He became so far engulfed in enjoying the tales that he forgot that he was there to work on them, so had to start again from the beginning. So, he decided to read right through, then get to work!
He told me he liked the style of writing and thought it was all very good, so I asked if he would care to have his name associated with it or would he prefer to remain anonymous - he said he would be proud and delighted to be associated with the book!
Oh, he has agreed to edit the next one for me (on the same terms).
I'm one very 'appy bunny right now, although there is much still to do!
She With The Short Fat Hairy Legs met me there on her way back from Sheffield where she had been visiting her Dad, and we didn't have to wait long before Malcolm walked in, carrying My Baby under his arm, tucked in its little box.
We sat down and I said I felt like I was awaiting a very important exam result and he replied that he could empathise. Then he went on to say "on that analogy, you passed with flying colours!" My poor little heart began its beating again!
He had written a sheet of notes, contained within the bounds of a single sheet of A4, so it didn't look too ominous, but that was only to explain his further notations within.
On opening the sheaf of the MSS, I fully expected to see pages and pages with blue or red scribbles all over them. I expected to see the tracks of a spider crawled out of an inkwell, but this was not to be.
There are many pages without any notation of any sort, and those that have them are only minor. He has changed the odd bit of punctuation and syntax, replaced a couple of colons with full stops and vice versa and has split a couple of sentences.
He has also suggested a new paragraph and moving a couple of sentences to facilitate identification etc.
All in all, not too much, but it still means a lot of careful and tedious work.
My Baby is still just as it was when it left home, except for a couple of trinkets.
Malcolm did say it had been hard for him to do. He became so far engulfed in enjoying the tales that he forgot that he was there to work on them, so had to start again from the beginning. So, he decided to read right through, then get to work!
He told me he liked the style of writing and thought it was all very good, so I asked if he would care to have his name associated with it or would he prefer to remain anonymous - he said he would be proud and delighted to be associated with the book!
Oh, he has agreed to edit the next one for me (on the same terms).
I'm one very 'appy bunny right now, although there is much still to do!
Sunday, 1 July 2007
New Story
I have just completed this story for consideration as an entry in the next book. It will also serve as a companion to the 17th Century pictures I have posted.
Do please read; I apologise for the length as it has yet to be edited. You will find it a bit of a ramble, but I'm confident you will enjoy it.
Where have you been all these years?
I was a member of a Civil War Living History group for a few years, until my health complained, making it so that I could not tolerate nights under canvas, albeit in wonderful surroundings. I played a scrivener which meant that I did not take part in any strenuous activities like chasing up and down the battlefield. I had a huge musket which was very heavy to carry and had a very loud voice. It got so that this was too much for me, as I could no longer tolerate the kick from the black powder explosion within the barrel.
I had to give this up, but I retained some wonderful memories of companionship with fellow members. There was also the general public who visited the houses and castles where we performed. They provided us with as much entertainment as we apparently gave them.
The best were the children, who, in their innocence, were transported back to the 17th Century, into the land of Civil War, Roundheads, Puritans and Cavaliers. This was truly living history for them.
As we were a living history group, we actually lived it for the weekend, espousing all modern speech, artefacts, manners and mores. This was a gentler time, much slower in pace than now.
The public were invited to visit and to mingle with us on our campsite, to ask as many questions as they wished and we all were only too happy to pose for photos with them. The ladies were fascinated by the cooking over campfires and always asked about the recipes used. They were often surprised by the sophistication of the menus used in concocting the food. It is always a misconception that the food was bland and limited to only a very few ingredients. This was not so, of course, since they had the wealth of produce grown on the farm and in the garden. Meat was abundant, though people tended not to slaughter their only source of milk. Spices were available, though not of the great range that we have now, since many of them were only then being discovered.
Tobacco was a new fad from the Virginia Colonies and potatoes were only recently introduced. Tomatoes were a rarity and were called ‘love apples’ since they were thought to be a powerful aphrodisiac. Game was available, though the penalties for taking it were harsh for those caught.
Another object of fascination was always the armour and weapons. The period of the Civil War was one of change where the old style battle formation of cavalry and hand to hand fighting was giving over to the modern stand off method, where the armies stood away from each other and attempted to pound each other to pieces. Men still fought hand to hand, of course, as pikes – those long poles with pointed or bladed ends, often comprised the main attack armament. The weapon developed to protect the pikes, the musket, was beginning to be more important than the musket itself, which had come to replace the cross bow and long bow. Whereas it took a lifetime to train an archer, a musketeer could be in the line, firing volleys within fifteen minutes of first laying hands on one.
Armour was still in use, reminiscent of medieval times and often, men of rank would wear it simply because it had been passed down to them through the generations. Its use petered out as it was found to afford little protection against a fast travelling lump of lead.
Since we enacted day to day living away from the battlefield, our everyday activities reflected this so far as we were able. My friend Sir William and I occupied a tent, forming a double act. I played Ambrose Salathiel, scrivener to Sir William. He did little more than look and act the part of a moderately wealthy landowner, fallen upon hard times in the War, whilst I played my part with my writing desk and paraphernalia.
Children loved to come visit us, attracted by the easily recognisable Sir William, who seemed to fill most people’s idea of a Puritan. These children would, naturally, have their parents with them. Some of the kids’ questions were silly, but most were quite astute as they struggled to grasp the concept of seeing and talking with these throwbacks to ancient times. Their language and outlook was of the 21st Century, whereas ours was of the 17th, two cultures widely separated by the years.
At Kenilworth Castle, sometimes referred to as Kenilgrad because of its exposure to wind which becomes rather uncomfortable in cold weather, we had the usual encampment. Their usual compliment of visitors was expanded by those who had come in response to my publicity to see what all the fuss was about.
It was at that weekend when we learned of the death of the Queen Mother. We decided to mark the sad occasion by a musket salute, offered in seventeenth century fashion. This was well received and appreciated by the crowds.
Sir William and I were in the tent, chatting about this and that when we were approached by a small family group of mother, father and two children, one of them a girl of about eight or nine years and her younger brother, perhaps about six years.
Naturally, we were talking in the proper fashion, about things of the time, with no modern language. Sir William pretended surprise that these people were here, and bade them good day. The little girl said hello, and asked who we were.
Sir William introduced us and the girl asked why we were there. Sir William explained that he was a landowner in Nottinghamshire who had been dispossessed by the War and had joined this band of travelling people who wished no harm to others, but would defend themselves if necessary.
“Do you live in this tent?” asked the girl, to which Sir William replied “No, I have another tent for living. This is my office.”
“What do you office about then?” she asked.
“I command a group of sword, young Mistress and I officiate in civil matters too.”
“What is the candle for?” she asked, pointing to the candle on his table.
“Why, Mistress, that is so that I might see to read, and to light my way to bed.”
“Don’t you have lights?”
“Indeed we do, we have many candles. I can afford to buy them, you see.”
“I mean, don’t you have lights in your house?”
“I just said, Mistress, we have candles and lanterns.”
“No, I mean lights. Light bulbs. You click a switch and the light comes on. They’re a lot brighter than these candles.”
She paused, then went on “Anyway, if you don’t have lights, what do you do when it gets dark?”
“Oh, that is simple, Mistress. I get my flint and tinder, light my candle and go to bed.”
“What?” she asked incredulously, “you go to bed just because it gets dark?”
“Oh, yes” replied Sir William, “I always read a few passages from my Bible, but I struggle you see, because my eyes are not good.”
“You should get some glasses then!” she said brightly.
“Glasses?” asked Sir William, “what are they?”
“Glasses, you know – glasses. For your eyes. To help you read!”
“Ah!” he said, as if the penny had just dropped, “I have heard of these things.”
“Where would I get some of these ‘glasses’ you speak of?”
“From the optician of course!” she told him, as if to a child.
“Where would I find such a man?” asked Sir William.
She thought about this for a minute and then replied “In a shop in town. Ours is next to the television shop.”
“What is television?”
That question stopped her dead in her tracks. She looked at him dumbstruck. “Don’t you know what a television is?”
“No, that is why I asked you what the word means.”
“Do you?” she asked, turning to me, “do you know what television means?”
“I regret to admit, young Mistress, that I do not,” I answered, trying hard to keep a straight face, “will you be so kind as to explain to Sir William and myself?”
“Well,” she began, drawing herself up to her schoolmarmy full height, “television is a box you have in your living room, or your bedroom or wherever you want to put it.”
“Ah,” I said, “we know about boxes, for they are the same as these chests,” I said, pointing to a couple of travelling chests on the ground in the tent.
“No, no!” she exclaimed, flapping her hands, “not like those. These are made of plastic, with a glass screen that you watch pictures on!”
I thought it best not to go into ‘plastic’ right now, so I asked her what sort of pictures she could see in this ‘screen’.
“They’re pictures that you watch. Like football and racing and plays and films and quizzes and all that.”
Sir William jumped in again with “Do you tell me, young Mistress, that you sit and look at portrait pictures on this glass thing? I have portraits on my wall at home but I do not sit and watch them.”
“No, silly, these pictures move; it’s just like being there.”
“Moving pictures? Do you tell me that pictures actually move? What witchcraft is this?”
“No, not witchcraft. Don’t you know anything?” she asked. She was becoming quite exasperated now. Time to cool down a little.
“Pray tell this simple man” said Sir William, putting his hand to his chest, “more of this. By what means does your ‘tellervision’ work, is it by this ‘trickity’ you spoke of? “
“Trickity? Oh, you mean electricity! Yes, it is. You plug it in to the socket, switch on and you watch it. My Dad likes to watch the news and Mummy watches the soaps and we watch children’s television.”
“Do you tell me, young Mistress, that your Mummy sits and watches soaps? Do you mean soaps in the wash tub? My washer woman does that sort of thing.”
“No, silly, stories about people.”
“Oh dear,” asked Sir William, “I fear you are confusing me greatly. Do you mean you have your washing in this tellervision box that you speak of?”
The little girl looked at Sir William, then at me with my quill in hand. Then she looked at her Mum who was trying her hardest not to laugh, turned back to Sir William and pronounced with all the authority of an eight year old “You really are stupid. You don’t know anything, do you?”
She paused, then asked “Where have you been all these years anyway?”
Do please read; I apologise for the length as it has yet to be edited. You will find it a bit of a ramble, but I'm confident you will enjoy it.
Where have you been all these years?
I was a member of a Civil War Living History group for a few years, until my health complained, making it so that I could not tolerate nights under canvas, albeit in wonderful surroundings. I played a scrivener which meant that I did not take part in any strenuous activities like chasing up and down the battlefield. I had a huge musket which was very heavy to carry and had a very loud voice. It got so that this was too much for me, as I could no longer tolerate the kick from the black powder explosion within the barrel.
I had to give this up, but I retained some wonderful memories of companionship with fellow members. There was also the general public who visited the houses and castles where we performed. They provided us with as much entertainment as we apparently gave them.
The best were the children, who, in their innocence, were transported back to the 17th Century, into the land of Civil War, Roundheads, Puritans and Cavaliers. This was truly living history for them.
As we were a living history group, we actually lived it for the weekend, espousing all modern speech, artefacts, manners and mores. This was a gentler time, much slower in pace than now.
The public were invited to visit and to mingle with us on our campsite, to ask as many questions as they wished and we all were only too happy to pose for photos with them. The ladies were fascinated by the cooking over campfires and always asked about the recipes used. They were often surprised by the sophistication of the menus used in concocting the food. It is always a misconception that the food was bland and limited to only a very few ingredients. This was not so, of course, since they had the wealth of produce grown on the farm and in the garden. Meat was abundant, though people tended not to slaughter their only source of milk. Spices were available, though not of the great range that we have now, since many of them were only then being discovered.
Tobacco was a new fad from the Virginia Colonies and potatoes were only recently introduced. Tomatoes were a rarity and were called ‘love apples’ since they were thought to be a powerful aphrodisiac. Game was available, though the penalties for taking it were harsh for those caught.
Another object of fascination was always the armour and weapons. The period of the Civil War was one of change where the old style battle formation of cavalry and hand to hand fighting was giving over to the modern stand off method, where the armies stood away from each other and attempted to pound each other to pieces. Men still fought hand to hand, of course, as pikes – those long poles with pointed or bladed ends, often comprised the main attack armament. The weapon developed to protect the pikes, the musket, was beginning to be more important than the musket itself, which had come to replace the cross bow and long bow. Whereas it took a lifetime to train an archer, a musketeer could be in the line, firing volleys within fifteen minutes of first laying hands on one.
Armour was still in use, reminiscent of medieval times and often, men of rank would wear it simply because it had been passed down to them through the generations. Its use petered out as it was found to afford little protection against a fast travelling lump of lead.
Since we enacted day to day living away from the battlefield, our everyday activities reflected this so far as we were able. My friend Sir William and I occupied a tent, forming a double act. I played Ambrose Salathiel, scrivener to Sir William. He did little more than look and act the part of a moderately wealthy landowner, fallen upon hard times in the War, whilst I played my part with my writing desk and paraphernalia.
Children loved to come visit us, attracted by the easily recognisable Sir William, who seemed to fill most people’s idea of a Puritan. These children would, naturally, have their parents with them. Some of the kids’ questions were silly, but most were quite astute as they struggled to grasp the concept of seeing and talking with these throwbacks to ancient times. Their language and outlook was of the 21st Century, whereas ours was of the 17th, two cultures widely separated by the years.
At Kenilworth Castle, sometimes referred to as Kenilgrad because of its exposure to wind which becomes rather uncomfortable in cold weather, we had the usual encampment. Their usual compliment of visitors was expanded by those who had come in response to my publicity to see what all the fuss was about.
It was at that weekend when we learned of the death of the Queen Mother. We decided to mark the sad occasion by a musket salute, offered in seventeenth century fashion. This was well received and appreciated by the crowds.
Sir William and I were in the tent, chatting about this and that when we were approached by a small family group of mother, father and two children, one of them a girl of about eight or nine years and her younger brother, perhaps about six years.
Naturally, we were talking in the proper fashion, about things of the time, with no modern language. Sir William pretended surprise that these people were here, and bade them good day. The little girl said hello, and asked who we were.
Sir William introduced us and the girl asked why we were there. Sir William explained that he was a landowner in Nottinghamshire who had been dispossessed by the War and had joined this band of travelling people who wished no harm to others, but would defend themselves if necessary.
“Do you live in this tent?” asked the girl, to which Sir William replied “No, I have another tent for living. This is my office.”
“What do you office about then?” she asked.
“I command a group of sword, young Mistress and I officiate in civil matters too.”
“What is the candle for?” she asked, pointing to the candle on his table.
“Why, Mistress, that is so that I might see to read, and to light my way to bed.”
“Don’t you have lights?”
“Indeed we do, we have many candles. I can afford to buy them, you see.”
“I mean, don’t you have lights in your house?”
“I just said, Mistress, we have candles and lanterns.”
“No, I mean lights. Light bulbs. You click a switch and the light comes on. They’re a lot brighter than these candles.”
She paused, then went on “Anyway, if you don’t have lights, what do you do when it gets dark?”
“Oh, that is simple, Mistress. I get my flint and tinder, light my candle and go to bed.”
“What?” she asked incredulously, “you go to bed just because it gets dark?”
“Oh, yes” replied Sir William, “I always read a few passages from my Bible, but I struggle you see, because my eyes are not good.”
“You should get some glasses then!” she said brightly.
“Glasses?” asked Sir William, “what are they?”
“Glasses, you know – glasses. For your eyes. To help you read!”
“Ah!” he said, as if the penny had just dropped, “I have heard of these things.”
“Where would I get some of these ‘glasses’ you speak of?”
“From the optician of course!” she told him, as if to a child.
“Where would I find such a man?” asked Sir William.
She thought about this for a minute and then replied “In a shop in town. Ours is next to the television shop.”
“What is television?”
That question stopped her dead in her tracks. She looked at him dumbstruck. “Don’t you know what a television is?”
“No, that is why I asked you what the word means.”
“Do you?” she asked, turning to me, “do you know what television means?”
“I regret to admit, young Mistress, that I do not,” I answered, trying hard to keep a straight face, “will you be so kind as to explain to Sir William and myself?”
“Well,” she began, drawing herself up to her schoolmarmy full height, “television is a box you have in your living room, or your bedroom or wherever you want to put it.”
“Ah,” I said, “we know about boxes, for they are the same as these chests,” I said, pointing to a couple of travelling chests on the ground in the tent.
“No, no!” she exclaimed, flapping her hands, “not like those. These are made of plastic, with a glass screen that you watch pictures on!”
I thought it best not to go into ‘plastic’ right now, so I asked her what sort of pictures she could see in this ‘screen’.
“They’re pictures that you watch. Like football and racing and plays and films and quizzes and all that.”
Sir William jumped in again with “Do you tell me, young Mistress, that you sit and look at portrait pictures on this glass thing? I have portraits on my wall at home but I do not sit and watch them.”
“No, silly, these pictures move; it’s just like being there.”
“Moving pictures? Do you tell me that pictures actually move? What witchcraft is this?”
“No, not witchcraft. Don’t you know anything?” she asked. She was becoming quite exasperated now. Time to cool down a little.
“Pray tell this simple man” said Sir William, putting his hand to his chest, “more of this. By what means does your ‘tellervision’ work, is it by this ‘trickity’ you spoke of? “
“Trickity? Oh, you mean electricity! Yes, it is. You plug it in to the socket, switch on and you watch it. My Dad likes to watch the news and Mummy watches the soaps and we watch children’s television.”
“Do you tell me, young Mistress, that your Mummy sits and watches soaps? Do you mean soaps in the wash tub? My washer woman does that sort of thing.”
“No, silly, stories about people.”
“Oh dear,” asked Sir William, “I fear you are confusing me greatly. Do you mean you have your washing in this tellervision box that you speak of?”
The little girl looked at Sir William, then at me with my quill in hand. Then she looked at her Mum who was trying her hardest not to laugh, turned back to Sir William and pronounced with all the authority of an eight year old “You really are stupid. You don’t know anything, do you?”
She paused, then asked “Where have you been all these years anyway?”
What's next?
What comes next? I know everyone is exicted about this project (so it seems to me) and I've been given tremedous support both in words and deeds. I suspect that people do know how much these words mean to me. I'm chuffed by all your support.
All I can say is "Thank you immensly!"
So, what happens now?
Well, first I have to go through the edit with all that this entails. It will certainly mean that all my nice paginations will have been shot to heeee---re and back, so that after the re-edit, I will have to re-paginate from start to finish.
Once I have done that, and 'fixed' the pages so that the type doesn't move about, it will be almost ready for uploading.
After conversion to pdf, it will be uploaded to Lulu.
The cover art so magnificently crafted by Mikal will be loaded upwards at the same time and I will purchase a distribution service, including my ISBN for the work.
Once uploaded and the technicals are satisfied, I have to purchase 1(one) copy. This serves to create a legal entity in the book and to give me a proof copy to make sure that everything has come out hunkey dory.
Once I approve this, then it can go into the system, at which time it will be available for purchase from outside, first via Lulu.com, then, as the system kicks in, via Amazon, Barnes and Noble and the other book distribution networks (if I have understood it all correctly).
Then, and only then, will people will be able to buy. What will happen at this eventuality, is that whenever anyone buys a copy, the order goes to the printer (in New Jersey or Barcelona, Spain although I think I saw a note somewhere that they now have a printer in the UK) who then prints that single copy specially for you, then dispatches it to you.
Simple really, or so I'm told.
Watch this space.
All I can say is "Thank you immensly!"
So, what happens now?
Well, first I have to go through the edit with all that this entails. It will certainly mean that all my nice paginations will have been shot to heeee---re and back, so that after the re-edit, I will have to re-paginate from start to finish.
Once I have done that, and 'fixed' the pages so that the type doesn't move about, it will be almost ready for uploading.
After conversion to pdf, it will be uploaded to Lulu.
The cover art so magnificently crafted by Mikal will be loaded upwards at the same time and I will purchase a distribution service, including my ISBN for the work.
Once uploaded and the technicals are satisfied, I have to purchase 1(one) copy. This serves to create a legal entity in the book and to give me a proof copy to make sure that everything has come out hunkey dory.
Once I approve this, then it can go into the system, at which time it will be available for purchase from outside, first via Lulu.com, then, as the system kicks in, via Amazon, Barnes and Noble and the other book distribution networks (if I have understood it all correctly).
Then, and only then, will people will be able to buy. What will happen at this eventuality, is that whenever anyone buys a copy, the order goes to the printer (in New Jersey or Barcelona, Spain although I think I saw a note somewhere that they now have a printer in the UK) who then prints that single copy specially for you, then dispatches it to you.
Simple really, or so I'm told.
Watch this space.
The Manuscript
Good news. The editor has finished his work and will hand over the suitably mutilated, sorry, annotated script tomorrow. Then my work begins again to incorporate all his changes, advice etc. This will include correcting any typos, goolies and clangers. It will also incorporate any suggestions he may have as to formulation and the removal of any hiccoughs where I may have repeated myself.
This is all usual routine, but I have never been there before, not on this scale anyway. My other published bits have tended to be published exactly 'as is' but they were not on this scale.
Oh, and I have another couple of pictures which may well be added.
Hey ho, roll on tomorrow. Actually, it will be an eventful day as two things will happen. One, custody of my baby will be restored to me, and I will actually enter a Public House, the first time for a long time.
Oh, I received an email today from a friend down in Plymouth who says he would be "delighted and honoured " to give me a review reference for the book! " (He has seen the draft).
This is all usual routine, but I have never been there before, not on this scale anyway. My other published bits have tended to be published exactly 'as is' but they were not on this scale.
Oh, and I have another couple of pictures which may well be added.
Hey ho, roll on tomorrow. Actually, it will be an eventful day as two things will happen. One, custody of my baby will be restored to me, and I will actually enter a Public House, the first time for a long time.
Oh, I received an email today from a friend down in Plymouth who says he would be "delighted and honoured " to give me a review reference for the book! " (He has seen the draft).
Monday, 18 June 2007
Me in my Office
I've been very busy preparing my first Book, "The Chicken has found a new Worm". As you can see, my Sponsor and Patron has provided me with all the latest equipment and premises.
My office, shown in this image, is the Great Hall at Newstead Abbey, home of Lord Byron (the Poet).
I have chests in which to keep my quills, all the parchment I need, a well sharpened pen-knife and I even have a burner upon which to heat the wax for sealing documents.
We all wait now for deliverance of the book. I await the return of the manuscript from my Editor.
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